• Aya

”Selfish” and “self-care”

When you hear the word “selfish”, what kind of behaviors come up in your mind?


When I hear the word “selfish”, it gives me the following behavior images:

>Think only about yourself and don’t care about others

>Do whatever you want without thinking if it disturbs others

>Prioritize yourself and downplay others

>Don’t listen to others, ignore other’s advice and requests, and decide what he/she wants to do



Recently, I have met several people who were saying “feeling guilty” and “I shouldn’t do this” when they talk about their own personal growth and/or what they want to do. For example, someone who started her coaching journey recently and I asked what she wanted from coaching. She said that she often prioritizes others and she loves to make others happy. However, she feels that she should prioritize herself, but she feels bad if she does that. Also, because she’d been thinking of others all the time, she couldn’t find out what SHE wants. So she would like to allow herself to prioritize her as well as figure out what she wants to do.

That was a wonderful realization. I believe she will learn and grow.


I also have started Mastermind Groups from this year. Currently, there are three groups and there are more than 20 people in total. I was amazed to see how many people are willing to develop themselves and willing to achieve goals. By seeing their enthusiasm, I feel I am energized as well.


On the other hand, I believe there are still many people who would like to put time and effort to develop themselves. But they feel guilty to do so as they believe it’s selfish.


At the very beginning of this blog post, I wrote four sample sentences based on my understanding of “selfishness”.

Have you recognized anything?


>Think only about yourself and don’t care about others

>Do whatever you want without thinking if it disturbs others

>Prioritize yourself and downplay others

>Don’t listen to others, ignore other’s advice and requests, and decide what he/she wants to do


Blue letters are actions. Actions mean you can be observed and everyone can recognize them and no opinions are involved.


On the other hand, red letters are subjective opinions of the person who says those sentences. It means, he/she thinks they “don’t care about others” and/or “downplay others”. But they are opinions and not behaviors. It means that not everyone would agree with them.


So WHO thinks like red letters?


Isn’t it YOU who would like to spend some time to develop yourself, do what you want, and take blue-letter actions, however, have opinions like in red letters?


If you could release yourself from believing red-letter opinions, do you think you can take blue-letter actions without hesitation?


If you could do that, what your life would be?



#selfcareorselfish #dowhatyouwant #coaching #interculturalcandc


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