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  • Writer's pictureAya

You cannot change others or the past, but you don’t have to suffer #2

Updated: Dec 3, 2020

In the last blog post, I wrote two scenarios when “you cannot change others or the past, but you don’t have to suffer”.

In this post, I’d like to bring one big scenario.

Scenario 1: My neighbor doesn’t take her shoes off when she comes to my house.

Scenario 2:I would like my friends to call me back, but she doesn’t.

Today’s scenario is probably the theme every generation have had experienced.

Scenario 3:

I have to ask my husband to bring trash away every single time. I wish he does it before I ask him, but he doesn’t… (I don’t know if he doesn’t notice or if he ignores)

A issue might be dishes, kids, and/or something else, but you wish your partner takes action without your request, right? It is stressful you have to ask him/her the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME!

When you notice the trash is still sitting, what do you think about him?

-”He doesn’t care about you/the family”

-”He is not nice/kind”

-”He thinks I am a servant”


Do you have any of those ideas? If you think something different, what could it be? How does it sound?

When you notice you have the idea in your mind, do you believe the thought?

If you believe the idea is true, what kind of emotions do you experience against him?









Whatever you feel, when you feel any of those feelings above, what attitude/behavior do you take/show toward him?



-”giving up”



I assume your husband is not a mind-reader. If so, he can’t see what is in your mind (thoughts) and heart (emotions). But he witnesses only your behavior. His experience with you are those behaviors you show.

Imagine, if you didn’t have any of those thoughts you had toward your husband, what would you feel? If you had the new feeling toward him, what kind of behavior would you take?

What are your core values in your relationship? What is the most important aspect of your household?

This quote, made popular by Haruki Murakami, is an old Buddhist saying that is very true.

If you are interested in thinking and feeling differently, please contact me. Tell me what you think and feel right now.


If you are interested in talking about your expat life, concerns, challenges, and opportunities, please book a FREE session from here →

I would love to hear your story.


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